Writing All My Wrongs

My name is Matilda . I am 20 . I don't really believe that love exists , and I say 'cunt' a lot .
I’m crazy . That’s the first thing I need to establish here . I am legitimately batshit crazy .I will accuse you of being an ass if I think you’ve taken too long to reply to a message . I will chuck a tantrum if things don’t go my way . I will try to fight girls if I think they’re cracking onto you . They won’t be , but I’ll think that they are . I need to apologise in advance for how many times I am going to have a completely unwarranted hissy fit at you . And I am especially sorry because you , of all people , do not deserve the crap I’m going to put you through .I’m crazy . And I’m difficult , and I’m temperamental and mean , sometimes . So for that , I’m sorry .But if you can learn to look past that , I promise you , you won’t regret it . If you can learn to roll your eyes and laugh when I sook to get my own way , and if you can be patient with me until I become secure enough to not tear other girls heads off for looking at you , it’ll be worth it .Sometimes I’m not good at relationships . They scare me , and for the first little while , I turn into a crazy person . But I am very , very good at loving someone .And , although I have been blind to it until now , you’re exactly the sort of person I could feel that way about . You’re my polar opposite , you’re exactly what I need , and you’re exactly the kind of person I would do absolutely anything for . Somehow , something changed my entire perspective on everything I have believed for almost two years now .I want to be with you . And it probably won’t be easy for you at first , but if I can just ask one more thing of you (even though you’ve already given me more than I deserve) , it would be for you to be patient with me . Because I will get better at the relationship thing . I just need to learn .

I’m crazy . That’s the first thing I need to establish here . I am legitimately batshit crazy .
I will accuse you of being an ass if I think you’ve taken too long to reply to a message . I will chuck a tantrum if things don’t go my way . I will try to fight girls if I think they’re cracking onto you . They won’t be , but I’ll think that they are .
I need to apologise in advance for how many times I am going to have a completely unwarranted hissy fit at you . And I am especially sorry because you , of all people , do not deserve the crap I’m going to put you through .
I’m crazy . And I’m difficult , and I’m temperamental and mean , sometimes . So for that , I’m sorry .
But if you can learn to look past that , I promise you , you won’t regret it . If you can learn to roll your eyes and laugh when I sook to get my own way , and if you can be patient with me until I become secure enough to not tear other girls heads off for looking at you , it’ll be worth it .
Sometimes I’m not good at relationships . They scare me , and for the first little while , I turn into a crazy person . But I am very , very good at loving someone .
And , although I have been blind to it until now , you’re exactly the sort of person I could feel that way about . You’re my polar opposite , you’re exactly what I need , and you’re exactly the kind of person I would do absolutely anything for .
Somehow , something changed my entire perspective on everything I have believed for almost two years now .
I want to be with you .
And it probably won’t be easy for you at first , but if I can just ask one more thing of you (even though you’ve already given me more than I deserve) , it would be for you to be patient with me . Because I will get better at the relationship thing . I just need to learn .

(via thisaintalovestory)

Oh , can you tell I haven’t slept very well since the last time that we spoke ? Please understand I’ve been drinking again , and all I do is hope …

Day 64 : Nostalgia

Saturday , 11th February .

We picked a stone together one day . The finest stone in your front garden . The perfect stone . Dark grey , with a light stretch across both sides . We were always searching for perfect . The perfect potato chip , the perfect song for the night , the perfect white ball we planned to steal from the pub . And then we found the perfect stone . I remember it as one of the best days of my life . Now there is no longer an us , but in front of me in my hand is our stone - and all I want is to throw it through your window . Into your chest , and out the other side , between your shoulder blades .

How fucking dare you move on with your life , and out of the house we made so many perfect memories in ?
Who do you think you are , being able to pick up and carry on while I’m still stuck in this limbo of my aching chest and our past every goddamned day ?
Why is it so fucking easy for you ?

Day 59 : Tragedy

Monday , 6th February .

The difference is : in my head , you and I are still a tragic love story .
In your head , I was an easy lay who got attached and you don’t want to feel bad about it .

Day 57 : Self-Worth

Saturday , 4th February

I don’t deserve to feel like this . Especially not about you . I miss you like hell . But I shouldn’t have to . I think realising that is a step . A small one , but a step , nonetheless .